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I left Aberdeen on the 6.25 train, two HOURS before the end of my shift because of how far ahead we were. I was elated - I slept in last night and REALLY needed a few more hours of snooze time.

It was 8am before I got home.

(thuds head)

A signalman in Inverurie collapsed of chest pains and had to be rushed to hospital, meaning anyone travelling between Inverurie found their transport terminated. While those poor sods carrying luggage for Inverness moaned, I played hello with this utterly adorable little puppy (yorkie cross) who had this great apos;head bopping licky lickapos; thing going.

Anyway, taxiapos;s were organised, but since those going farthest were first priority, I was told Iapos;d be better off getting the bus. So on TOP of my train fare I had to fork out bus fare (gonna get refund next time Iapos;m in Aberdeen), wait around for 20 minutes, and then stay awake for the 30 minute bus ride, the stopping outside Insch train station to tell the couple dozen people who donapos;t know whatapos;s going on the situation, only to hear the barriers go down - meaning the trains are running again.

T_T I SO need to move back to Aberdeen.

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Iapos;m not doing very well in school, below average to be exact. This is frustrating, I have no idea how Iapos;m going to survive. Internetapos;s down at home. (thaanks faris )� OMG. There are too many things to do right now. At least reading stephanie meyersapos; makes me all fuzzy wuzzy inside. Did I mention iapos;m in love with a certain vampire?

p.s. Pics will be up when my internetapos;s back. Pls pray it will by tues ):

xoxo
the one who has been banging her head on the wall.
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Okay so here I am doing what I told myself never to do. I am leading on someone I care about, but they care about me in a much different way. I donapos;t want to hurt him but there is only so much I can do when he lives two hours away. I am falling for someone who is so wrong for me it isnapos;t even funny. At the same time he makes me happy. And he cares about me in ways Kevin never showed.

Last night I went to Hang out with Mike Jared and Jenna, Jaredapos;s gf. Why didnapos;t Mike invite his gf? And why was he hardcore flirting with me all night, I know heapos;s a flirt but there is a line obviously. I had a Blast I just wish I could have stayed longer, Iapos;m going over there again tonight and probably staying, they all want me to drink. I am going to but I think its so lame that it is all they wanted to do last night. I guess Iapos;m just used to having fun with out drinking? Jaredapos;s gf is so sweet. Iapos;m jealous of their relationship. Mike is coming over after work to apologize to my mom. He texted my sister an apology on my phone last night. Kevin never would have given a damn if my family hated him or not, that makes me feel good about mike. I just wish I knew where I stood with him. I donapos;t want to get ahead of myself again and screw it all up. And what happens when Chett comes home expecting me to be there to kiss? Rahh Iapos;m digging myself into a grave. Shit.

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Bluefield High School:� Daughter told me about an incident at school where some children tried to protest about the food which was cut back in quantity.� Teachers took them out of lunch to principles office, donapos;t know what happened.� Rumors of suspension, or in school suspension.� Daughter said they increased the quantity to normal.� If your child has a drs excuse and your child has late arrival, they get an afterschool detention.� Wow and they were whining for a pay increase, and this is how our children get treated.� Itapos;s not ok to use the "N" word but itapos;s ok to call whites "Crackers" and nothing is done about it.� Talk about reverse discrimination.

Utilities:� Gas rates have gone up this summer (effective this Nov) now they want another 38 increase (effective this Nov).� That would bring our bill to over $350 a month.� We try to cut back our water, and had to children of age, leave home, we still pay an average of $90 a month, half to sewage.� We donapos;t qualify for benefits, because our income, we make $39 above LOW INCOME.� Iapos;ve started calling this GRAY CLASS.� Weapos;re middle income, but face same issues as LOW INCOME.� Thanks to all concerned:� Mercer county has the highest utility rates in West Virginia.

Business in Bluefield:� Whereapos;s our Home Depot and Target, and who has a say as to what goes on in Bluefield?� No names mentioned; top community leaders.� Like where are we supposed to park our Campers and boats???� We pay City Tax and own our property.� We have to park our cars on a narrow street and worry about speeders who might hit our car and make a quick get-a-way.

As I stated, we are going to move out of Bluefield City limits (little further) maybe in Virginia.� Donapos;t like the way the Town Council are ruining the lives of the Low/Gray Income.� Itapos;s hard enough trying to buy gas, clothes (donapos;t qualify for School Vouchers) and food.� Can Gov Manchin help??? Who knows.

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Todayapos;s poem is To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time by Robert Herrick.

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorius lamp of heaven, the Sun,
The higher heapos;s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer heapos;s to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, the worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time;
And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry.

I spent the day at the Renaissance Fair, chaperoning a 5th grade field trip, so wasnapos;t able to devote as much time and thought to this poem as I would have liked. The fair was fabulous and lots of fun and the kids were awesomely behaved on the bus, so much so, that I didnapos;t need either of the headache pills that I packed in my bag. I read the poem to myself many times during the five hours spent on the bus (to and from the fair) and even managed to read it outloud once while the kids were engrossed in a movie and my fellow chaperone was dozing in the seat next to me.

I like the poem, especially the "glorious lamp of heaven, the Sun," and the first stanza. The passage of time and how fast it passes us by, was very eloquently put, I thought.

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�So I just started my classes, at Hogwarts. And wouldnapos;t you know it...I already have 3 tests and 2 quizzes to prepare for Well, what do you expect when youapos;re in advanced classes though? x_x
Sigh...so I had to study my butt off and didnapos;t have contact with human life outside of the classes for the last couple of days. I think the only person I saw was Riku who was grumbling something about Sora being too stupid to notice things. Other than that...itapos;s been really hectic. If I�donapos;t get good grades though, I�would never forgive myself

Well, itapos;s a good thing Iapos;m done with those tests anyway. Boy...I almost wore myself out I survived though. Iapos;m going to try and see if I can talk to any of my friends downstairs.

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1.In general, are you slow,medium,or fast-paced?
Medium.

2.Assuming you have a cellphone,do you have a desk charger or a wall charger?
Wall.

3.Whatapos;s the first song listed in your media library?
I donapos;t know.

4.Is your hair thick or thin?
Thin :(

5.Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Nope.

6.Whatapos;s your favorite kind of pudding?
Vanilla I guess.

7.Do you know how to read guitar tabs?
No.

8.Would you consider yourself shallow?
Not really.

9.Have you ever been fucked up on pills?
No.

10.Have you ever buried a dead animal?
No.

11.Are you a masochist?
A what? hahaha.

12.Do you feel special?
Not right now:(

13.Do old guys who stare creep you out?
No, I just stare right back.

14.Do you strive for perfection?
Some what.

15.Whatapos;s the last thing you were confronted about?
I donapos;t remember.

16. Are you a pessimist?
I can be.

17.How many uncles do you have?
Like 827543, I donapos;t know.

18.What are your views on smoking pot?
Disgusting.

19.Do you like ska music?
No.

20.Whatapos;s your favorite vegetable?
I like all of them

21.Do you have a laptop or a regular computer?
Desktop.

22.Do you still have your first baby blanket?
No.

23.Have you ever donated plasma?
No, unless blood is counted.

24.Do you have a weekly schedule?
Yes.

25.Do you have road rage?
No.

26.Are you overweight,underweight,or just average?
Average.

27.Whatapos;s the most well-known city or attraction in your state?
Uhh, I donapos;t know.

28.Would you ever be able to live with a slob?
No

29.Do you have a credit card?
Nope.

30.Look out your window,what do you see?
Trees.

31.Do you know the aristocrat joke?
No.

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Happy fucking birthday to me. So, I�woke up, did some things.. Smoked.. Since Iapos;ve always wanted to go to school high and all.. THEN I�fucking got really light headed and shit and wow, I felt like complete fucking shit. But then I got food and yeah I was better.�So�I�went to school, blah blah blah. Cute boy said happy birthday to me =) SO DID BOY, 2 TIMES. The second was better though ah. Anyways, I really hate life right now. I�hate my stupid friends that donapos;t even care its my birthday. I�hate boys. So fucking much. I hate school with a passion. Iapos;m NEVER smoking again. Iapos;m gonna use my veet in a few days.. I hope it works. I HATE STUPID SLUTS. Gr. I�hate everyone everything. Fuck my birthday, I�donapos;t give a shit. I�wish I was 16. BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHLBLAHBLAH. Hatehatehate. Everyone can go suck themselves.

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I hope screamfest is good for what ails me.... Because im a fingernail away from total nervous breakdown.�

I swear this is the stuff that really proves to me that pot needs to be legalized, because normally, when im getting THIS�bad, i could get it under control with half a bowl.�Just take the load off my shoulders for a matter of hours, let the stress flow out of me, get myself together and able to tackle the next huge ammount of responsibility waiting for me the next day.� Maybe once or twice a week is all i did it, and with far less side effects (long range mostly) than any� "legal" pharmacuetical had done� for me, and hella cheaper.� But, filling out job apps comes with the inevitable drug test so ive had to abstain.� (Pot... Being the most harmless of drugs has the distinction of being the one drug that stays in your system the longest... Like can take up to 30 days to get out sometimes)� Now if i was a speed freak, or a coke head... Stuff that everyone KNOWS�is way more dangerous-- well that gets out of your system in a couple of days.� WHERE�IS�THE�JUSTICE�

First person that tells me i can duplicate that with excercise... I will sodomize you with a thighmaster.� I go out walking just to destress daily and it took me an hour and a half to walk back last night� before i realized how far i walked. (true story)

Its funny what little thing it does to set you off, im barely holding it together with my moms medical problems, and the tremendous strain its putting on my finances, and then my problem with my car being stolen, and not sure how the hell im gonna� get thru that... (im working on getting a Van thats been broken down going for temporary solution. )�� But im packing a few items up and im looking for my hat.� Its just a silly hat, but its been with me during some good times, its been with me tubing down the Brazos and Guadalupe River at least three times, its taken in countless baseball games, minor league and majors... Its been with me thru fourth of july picnics---- its just something that i wear in summertime and springtime and it reminds me of some really good times and it had become kinda special to me,. �

And it was in my car.

Yeah... I know.. Just an ugly ol hat, and a lot of people look at it with a kind of sneer and tell me im better off and they just dont get it....

I know im being silly about it but i dont have a lot of "things" that mean something to me.. And that did.

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